The Elder Responds:

For Shirl: I have photos in a vault buried deep under a mountain in Colorado. There are some of you from when you were in grade school (black and white, obviously)(your baby pictures were done in tin-type, ya ancient, old bat!)(and those hoop-skirts sure do look awfully uncomfortable).
It is obvious that "you haven't colored [your] hair in years", as evidenced by all the streaks of grey in your hair. At least my grey hairs had the common courtesy to spread themselves out fairly evenly, instead of banding together to make you look like Lily Munster. Wasn't her character supposed to be a vampire that was several centuries old? Well, at least now I know where your inspiration for your hair style comes from! Vampires don't ride brooms, do they? I guess you'll have to get a new ride now, huh? Bust-ed...