The Elder Responds:

for Kelly: "My hair has lightened a lot"? That is a euphemism for turning grey, right? Lets not quibble over semantics.

OK, I am glad you told me the date you would be here. I though you had said you were taking your cruise on Oct 10th, and I could have sworn that Tammy said "Sunday" when I talked to her two days ago, which I assumed meant THIS Sunday (Oct 8th). Silly me. And here I would have been all dressed up with nowhere to go... Damn, prom night all over again!

I think there is a motel in Coleman (so I hear), but I think Carrie normally stays about 20 minutes away in Clearmont (?). She stayed in Orlando once when she flew down, but that is about an hour's drive away. There are motels closer than that, but if you are flying into/out of Orlando, and your cruise leaves from there, then that is where I would stay. At least there is something for the family to do there.

Well, whatever time you show up, just expect delays. You are dealing with a government agency, after all. I am sure I will still be here if they call me after 12 noon. I think that somewhere on the visiting form it asks you where you are visiting from. If it asks that, use your home address, because they use your driving distance to determine who gets to stay for a visit. They give preference to people who have driven a long way, and local people can come back another day. They terminated more than 50 visits this last Sunday due to overcrowding. The visiting room claims to have a capacity of 275 people, but there is nowhere near that many seats, and they don't allow people to stand around in the visiting room.

I sort of remember Tammy Lockhart as being a brown haired girl who was a little overweight and kind of homely (not that I was a beauty queen myself), but I doubt I would know her if I saw her walking down the sidewalk. Until you mentioned her, I had completely forgotten that name, and anything I ever knew about her. Unless she was in my way and/or annoying me by her mere presence (I was such an understanding/tolerant kind of guy), then I had no reason to acknowledge her existence then, and, therefor, no reason to remember her now. But since you brought it up, what was she trying to tell you that took such an abundance of patience, tenacity, and fortitude to decipher? I assume she still speaks English? Come to think of it, I don't remember ever hearing her speak even once in four years of high school, so she could have been Portuguese for all I know (which would explain the brown hair, at least).

Oh, I was thinking about letting my sister (God help me!) create a profile for me at kingfisheralumni.com, then I could update it when I get out of the slammer. There is no telling what she might say about me in my absence, and I have no doubt in my mind that she would include something that was at least mildly malicious. I am sure motherhood hasn't changed her that much. She was always predictable evil, and I could always count on her to screw me over at every opportunity. But she is a little more mellow now (or a better actress).

So who is taking care of the animals while you are impersonating a lobster in the Caribbean?

OK, my hour is almost up, so I will have to check back later. I'll see you on Oct 15th. At least that gives me time to find a dress.