THINGS I HAVE LEARNED LIVING IN OKLAHOMA:

1. Possums ("opossums" to the rest of the world) sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

2. There are over 5,000 types of snakes in the world, and 4,998 live in Oklahoma.

3. There are more than 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Oklahoma, plus a couple no one's ever seen before.

4. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

5. Onced and twiced are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart; its a buggy.

7. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. "Fixinta" is one word. Example: "I'm fixinta stomp me a mudhole in yore ass."

10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only breakfast, dinner, and supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!

12. "Back'ards and for'ards" means "I know everything there is to know about you."

13. "Jeet?" is actually a complete sentence all by itself. It means, "Have you already eaten?"

14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.