The Elder Responds:
to Chad:
A "stream of consciousness" was sort of what I was going for, but I guess "rambling, schmoozing(?) fluid secretions" describes it pretty well, too. Schmoozing? Hmmm. Where was I? Oh yes.
Is there such a thing as an online museum? We should start one. How about our own online library? Sort of like WikiPedia writ large. Instead of having a single dictionary that allows people to define and edit terms, how about an entire library of books. We could use books that were much too boring for anyone to read in their original form, and we could let people edit them and add to them at will. Did anyone read "Fried Green Tomatoes" in school? I didn't. How about "How to Eat Fried Worms"? Nope, me neither. But I know some people who did, and I bet they would love to have a chance to make those books into something that was interesting and personal. We could redo "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes". Why do I seem to have "fried" and "tomatoes" on the brain today. OK, getting hungry now.
Speaking of required reading, streams of consciousness, and fluid secretions, I had a creative writing professor once who said that it was best to just let one's creative juices flow (does that make anyone else need to piss, or is it just me?). She suggested that it was best to bang out whatever came to mind, and edit it later. Funny, I never seemed to get the hang of editing. I am just thankful for a spell-checker.
You alluded to a letter(s) that I had written to you, but I am having a hard time remembering what I wrote. Was it the "History of the World; The Wyrick Years", or was it something else. It was probably about some female somewhere. Anything that I wrote that "ached with heartfelt ambivalence" must have involved some woman. Was there a name? You will have to refresh my memory, or better yet, why don't you transcribe in into an e-mail to Chris. Well, that might take some effort. Do you have a voice recognition program on you 'puter do you (I said ON!)(what a filthy mind you have). I always wanted a program that would allow me to just sit back and talk to my computer while it took dictation for me. There was a girl in high school who did all my English papers that way (I still get an erection every time I hear an electric typewriter). Its a good thing we have word processors now.
Doesn't "sequester" mean to lock someone away in isolation? Well, now that I think about it, I guess it is more appropriate than I first thought.
For some inexplicable reason "twisted, melodramatic conundrum of love, hate, disappointment and betrayal" makes me think simultaneously of my first wife and a squirming, writhing, wiggling, slimy worm. The resemblance is uncanny, at least anecdotally.
OK, now I have to piss, I am hungry, AND I feel sick at my stomach.
Oh, by the way, my friend Kelly came to see me today. I think he lied to me, but I guess I will forgive him (this once). He told me that he was flying into Orlando on Saturday night because he was going on a 5-day cruise. I assumed that his cruise ship was leaving from somewhere near Orlando, but when I asked him about it, he said that his ship was leaving from Jacksonville. That is four hours away from here, so I asked him why didn't he just fly into Jacksonville instead. He said it was cheaper to fly to Orlando. Maybe I am a little slow, but considering that his cruise doesn't leave until Monday, it seems like a lot of extra expense to fly down two days early, rent a car, rent a motel room for the extra days, and then have to drive 4 more hours to get to the ship. By the time he pays for all that, he could have flown first class. He also had his wife, his parents, and his brother and his wife in tow. He finally admitted that he had flown to Orlando because it was the closest airport to where I am. I guess he was worried that I would object to all the extra trouble on my account. He has been my friend since 9th grade. I would say 8th grade, but he didn't like me at first. I think he may have been the only person in the history of the world who didn't like me the minute he first saw me, but I think you have already read that book.
More later.
A "stream of consciousness" was sort of what I was going for, but I guess "rambling, schmoozing(?) fluid secretions" describes it pretty well, too. Schmoozing? Hmmm. Where was I? Oh yes.
Is there such a thing as an online museum? We should start one. How about our own online library? Sort of like WikiPedia writ large. Instead of having a single dictionary that allows people to define and edit terms, how about an entire library of books. We could use books that were much too boring for anyone to read in their original form, and we could let people edit them and add to them at will. Did anyone read "Fried Green Tomatoes" in school? I didn't. How about "How to Eat Fried Worms"? Nope, me neither. But I know some people who did, and I bet they would love to have a chance to make those books into something that was interesting and personal. We could redo "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes". Why do I seem to have "fried" and "tomatoes" on the brain today. OK, getting hungry now.
Speaking of required reading, streams of consciousness, and fluid secretions, I had a creative writing professor once who said that it was best to just let one's creative juices flow (does that make anyone else need to piss, or is it just me?). She suggested that it was best to bang out whatever came to mind, and edit it later. Funny, I never seemed to get the hang of editing. I am just thankful for a spell-checker.
You alluded to a letter(s) that I had written to you, but I am having a hard time remembering what I wrote. Was it the "History of the World; The Wyrick Years", or was it something else. It was probably about some female somewhere. Anything that I wrote that "ached with heartfelt ambivalence" must have involved some woman. Was there a name? You will have to refresh my memory, or better yet, why don't you transcribe in into an e-mail to Chris. Well, that might take some effort. Do you have a voice recognition program on you 'puter do you (I said ON!)(what a filthy mind you have). I always wanted a program that would allow me to just sit back and talk to my computer while it took dictation for me. There was a girl in high school who did all my English papers that way (I still get an erection every time I hear an electric typewriter). Its a good thing we have word processors now.
Doesn't "sequester" mean to lock someone away in isolation? Well, now that I think about it, I guess it is more appropriate than I first thought.
For some inexplicable reason "twisted, melodramatic conundrum of love, hate, disappointment and betrayal" makes me think simultaneously of my first wife and a squirming, writhing, wiggling, slimy worm. The resemblance is uncanny, at least anecdotally.
OK, now I have to piss, I am hungry, AND I feel sick at my stomach.
Oh, by the way, my friend Kelly came to see me today. I think he lied to me, but I guess I will forgive him (this once). He told me that he was flying into Orlando on Saturday night because he was going on a 5-day cruise. I assumed that his cruise ship was leaving from somewhere near Orlando, but when I asked him about it, he said that his ship was leaving from Jacksonville. That is four hours away from here, so I asked him why didn't he just fly into Jacksonville instead. He said it was cheaper to fly to Orlando. Maybe I am a little slow, but considering that his cruise doesn't leave until Monday, it seems like a lot of extra expense to fly down two days early, rent a car, rent a motel room for the extra days, and then have to drive 4 more hours to get to the ship. By the time he pays for all that, he could have flown first class. He also had his wife, his parents, and his brother and his wife in tow. He finally admitted that he had flown to Orlando because it was the closest airport to where I am. I guess he was worried that I would object to all the extra trouble on my account. He has been my friend since 9th grade. I would say 8th grade, but he didn't like me at first. I think he may have been the only person in the history of the world who didn't like me the minute he first saw me, but I think you have already read that book.
More later.
posted by Christopher Willis at 12:16 AM
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