The Elder Speaks:
So, I guess you lived? Pneumonia in a person of your advanced age can be life-threatening. You made it sound like you had double pneumonia, though you never actually said so. So how did Lori feel with another child in the house to take care of? I wanted to be babied when I was sick, too, but Carrie told me that I would have to hire a nurse-maid for that. I am sure it was her unfortunate choice of words that caused me to think of a large-breasted Bavarian bombshell in a very short, very tight, white nurses uniform, so it was all Carrie's fault. Of course she said that if I was well enough to have been day dreaming about sex, then I must have been well enough to mow the lawn.
Of course the mower was out of gas, and it needed a tune up, so that meant that I had to go to town. I don't like hauling gas cans inside a car, so I had to take the pickup to the gas station. When I got to the gas station, the tanker-truck that delivers fuel to the station was pumping gas into the underground tanks, so I had to go to another station that was farther away. I decided that I would try to find a new spark plug for the lawn mower while I was at it, but that meant that I had to go all the way to Durant. I needed a new air filter anyway, and I reasoned that it would save me another trip later on, so I headed for Durant.
On the way there, being a safe driver, I checked my rear-view mirror often. Being an observant sort of fellow, I couldn't help but notice that my fishing tackle box was still in the bed of the pickup. I remember that I needed to replace the fishing line on my reel, and I needed some bullet weights and some more plastic worms, so I figured that I could kill two birds with one stone.
Predictably, I couldn't find the spark plug I needed in the lawn and garden center, so I headed over to the automotive department to see what I could find there. Of course there wasn't one there, either, but since it was next to the sporting goods department, it wasn't far out of the way. I bought two spools of fishing line, some new weights, three of bags of plastic worms, and a couple of lures that I had been wanting to try out. On that same aisle, there was a new reel that I had been drooling over for about a month, and when I looked up, I saw the exact same reel mounted on a new 6'6", medium-action, graphite rod, and it was the same price as the reel was by itself. I couldn't pass up a deal like this. The only thing I could find wrong with the rod/reel combo was the fishing line that came with it was a cheap monofilament line that was only rated at 10 pounds, but since I already had two spools of braided Kevlar polymer fishing line in my hand, I figured I would just restring it later anyway.
While I was in the check-out lane (there is always a line because they never keep enough lanes open), I decided that the easiest way to restring my new reel was to attach a weight to the cheap line that was on the reel, and cast it out until I got to the end of the line. Then I could just cut it off, and tie on the new line, and wind it in until the reel was full, but that created a problem. I needed to find a place big enough to cast that far, and I didn't want to do that in the parking lot, because cars would be driving over my brand new line, so I decided to head out to a pond where I had had pretty good luck before. I still hadn't filled up the gas can, so I stopped at a gas station on that side of town. I remembered that I was out of beer at home, so I picked up a six-pack, but then I thought that might not be enough, because it was hot that day, and I might drink one or two while I was working on my new reel.
When I got to the pond, I tied a fairly heavy weight on the old line, and I cast it towards a tree on the other side of a clearing near the pond. It was pretty far away, but it wasn't far enough to take up all the line on the reel, so I made a loop in the string and tied it to a stick. I drove the stick into the ground, and walked towards the tree. That served two purposes. It allowed me to unspool more line while I went to retreive my fishing weight. By the time I made it to the tree, I had run out of line, so I cut the old line off and tied on the new line. This line was much better, and I know from experience that I can cast farther with this line that I ever could with monofilament, but since I had never used this particular weight of braided line, I was curious to see how far I really could cast with it. I thought about using the fishing weight that I had used with the old line, but I decided that, since I was at a pond that had fish in it, and I wanted to try out my new lures anyway, I could again kill two birds with one stone.
In case you haven't figured it out yet, I always try to do everything as efficiently as possible, and now I had the perfect opportunity to try out my new rod, my new reel, my new fishing line, and my new lures all at the same time. Now that's what I call efficient.
Three hours later, Carrie called my cell phone to see where I was, and she just couldn't understand why her sick husband was at a pond with a fishing rod in one hand and a beer in the other. Women! I don't think she ever accepted that it was all because she said the word "nursemaid". I did tell you that it was all her fault, didn't I?
"Whimsical, verbally assaulted, philosophical melee"? Shouldn't that have been "assaultive", since "assaulted" implies that I am the victim? I feel victimized, but that is more or less a constant state of existance since 2003.
OK, my coffee is getting cold, so I better go. More later.
Of course the mower was out of gas, and it needed a tune up, so that meant that I had to go to town. I don't like hauling gas cans inside a car, so I had to take the pickup to the gas station. When I got to the gas station, the tanker-truck that delivers fuel to the station was pumping gas into the underground tanks, so I had to go to another station that was farther away. I decided that I would try to find a new spark plug for the lawn mower while I was at it, but that meant that I had to go all the way to Durant. I needed a new air filter anyway, and I reasoned that it would save me another trip later on, so I headed for Durant.
On the way there, being a safe driver, I checked my rear-view mirror often. Being an observant sort of fellow, I couldn't help but notice that my fishing tackle box was still in the bed of the pickup. I remember that I needed to replace the fishing line on my reel, and I needed some bullet weights and some more plastic worms, so I figured that I could kill two birds with one stone.
Predictably, I couldn't find the spark plug I needed in the lawn and garden center, so I headed over to the automotive department to see what I could find there. Of course there wasn't one there, either, but since it was next to the sporting goods department, it wasn't far out of the way. I bought two spools of fishing line, some new weights, three of bags of plastic worms, and a couple of lures that I had been wanting to try out. On that same aisle, there was a new reel that I had been drooling over for about a month, and when I looked up, I saw the exact same reel mounted on a new 6'6", medium-action, graphite rod, and it was the same price as the reel was by itself. I couldn't pass up a deal like this. The only thing I could find wrong with the rod/reel combo was the fishing line that came with it was a cheap monofilament line that was only rated at 10 pounds, but since I already had two spools of braided Kevlar polymer fishing line in my hand, I figured I would just restring it later anyway.
While I was in the check-out lane (there is always a line because they never keep enough lanes open), I decided that the easiest way to restring my new reel was to attach a weight to the cheap line that was on the reel, and cast it out until I got to the end of the line. Then I could just cut it off, and tie on the new line, and wind it in until the reel was full, but that created a problem. I needed to find a place big enough to cast that far, and I didn't want to do that in the parking lot, because cars would be driving over my brand new line, so I decided to head out to a pond where I had had pretty good luck before. I still hadn't filled up the gas can, so I stopped at a gas station on that side of town. I remembered that I was out of beer at home, so I picked up a six-pack, but then I thought that might not be enough, because it was hot that day, and I might drink one or two while I was working on my new reel.
When I got to the pond, I tied a fairly heavy weight on the old line, and I cast it towards a tree on the other side of a clearing near the pond. It was pretty far away, but it wasn't far enough to take up all the line on the reel, so I made a loop in the string and tied it to a stick. I drove the stick into the ground, and walked towards the tree. That served two purposes. It allowed me to unspool more line while I went to retreive my fishing weight. By the time I made it to the tree, I had run out of line, so I cut the old line off and tied on the new line. This line was much better, and I know from experience that I can cast farther with this line that I ever could with monofilament, but since I had never used this particular weight of braided line, I was curious to see how far I really could cast with it. I thought about using the fishing weight that I had used with the old line, but I decided that, since I was at a pond that had fish in it, and I wanted to try out my new lures anyway, I could again kill two birds with one stone.
In case you haven't figured it out yet, I always try to do everything as efficiently as possible, and now I had the perfect opportunity to try out my new rod, my new reel, my new fishing line, and my new lures all at the same time. Now that's what I call efficient.
Three hours later, Carrie called my cell phone to see where I was, and she just couldn't understand why her sick husband was at a pond with a fishing rod in one hand and a beer in the other. Women! I don't think she ever accepted that it was all because she said the word "nursemaid". I did tell you that it was all her fault, didn't I?
"Whimsical, verbally assaulted, philosophical melee"? Shouldn't that have been "assaultive", since "assaulted" implies that I am the victim? I feel victimized, but that is more or less a constant state of existance since 2003.
OK, my coffee is getting cold, so I better go. More later.
posted by Christopher Willis at 5:29 PM
1 Comments:
Ah, yes. Much, much better! Your last three posts are more of what I expected from Richard the Great! The rambling, schmoozing, fluid secretions of your twisted mind are the keys of what will eventually make this "Rick's Blog of War" a world class, highly, worldly sought after piece of literary art. Maybe even someday elevated to the status of required reading. Keep up the good work, and I will assist in any way possible. You might refer back to some of our first communications. Those archaic writings that you performed with the wretched pen and paper, and I with the lowly word processor and printer, and a printer that was not even jet capable! Those writings, those cries of testament, that ached with heartfelt ambivalence, were truly the substance of pure insanity to which only the demented in mind could truly appreciate! Those writings which coerced the reader to the edge of their seats making them want for the next sentence, the next thought, the next anecdote to feed the racing of their adrenaline filled hearts. These are the tools that we, Richard, you and I, posses in our infinite ability to truly sequester ourselves to the realm of Greatness and Solitude that we deserve, we desire, we dominate! So reach, reach Richard! Reach deep inside and draw from that twisted, melodramatic conundrum of love, hate, disappointment and betrayal that will continue to propel this magnificent work of art, this “Rick’s Blog of War”. Sincerely, B. Chad Gray
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